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Monday, August 8, 2011

Obsession

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. (Jer 29:11-13)

My husband and I were able to go see his mentor this weekend, once for dinner on Friday and then again last night preaching.  He preached on these verses and my how the Lord spoke to me.  I know those verses very well, have them memorized for the most part.  But still struggle to live them out.  I was led to evaluate my life, my heart.  What am I seeking with all my heart, what is my obsession?  And my answer was not fully Christ as much as I wanted it to be.  My answer was a million things, my heart is so divided in this world.  I am consumed by so many things, no wonder there are times I can't hear the voice of God.  I'm too busy filling my ears, my mind, my heart with other things.  And I choose this day to follow Christ, to set aside all those things that steal my heart from Him. 
This week has been a good week!  A man that Dustin works with told him about a friend that recently moved into the area with his daughter.  The wife/mom died a few months ago in a car accident and they could not stand to live where they did any longer due to the pain.  They moved in a small vehicle and didn't have much of anything. He quickly got a good paying job but is working crazy long hours.  He was able to find a house to rent but had nothing, not even a mattress to sleep on.  We quickly emailed our Sunday School class and told of their need and it was absolutely phenomenal to watch God's hand at work.  NO one donated the same thing, but each met a different need that they had.  And this happened all week long.  People called and emailed with new items for us to pick up to take to the family.  The family now has a furnished home and new Bibles and clothes.  They are not believers, yet the Bibles with their names on them made the biggest impact!  They are so appreciative of everything, but the Bibles are the one thing they can't seem to get over!  Praise the Lord!  They are excited about them and want to read them.  So the week was awesome in that we saw our church family become the hands and feet of Jesus!
It was also an awesome week because God spoke to me.  He wants my whole heart and showed me all the areas in which He's not receiving it.  As a stay at home Mom, I think it becomes real easy to just turn on cartoons so we can get a few minutes of peace or a few moments to get laundry and dishes done.  And soon I'm going to have two babies and a 4 year old.  There aren't going to be a lot of opportunities to clean house.  My roles as a SAHM vary, from being the housekeeper, to the daycare provider, to the grocery buyer, to the cook, to the always loving and willing and ready wife.  I sometimes become so obsessed with being all these things at once that I stress out completely.  And I'm fixing to add another job title to my role, I will be homeschooling Zeb.  So to be all these things at once is a lot more difficult than it ever was for me to be a full time teacher in public schools.  But the Lord showed me that my ministry, my role right now is to be a Godly wife and mother that pursues hard after Him.  He will work out the rest.  There may be days my house is messy, but my sons and soon-to-be-here daughter will be loved and held and taught and comforted.  They won't have a TV babysit them.  I am ready to sell every TV in my house and get rid of DishNet for the sake of my family.  We are obsessed with TV, our culture is.  It can't ever just be quiet in our house for some reason, if it is, we turn on the TV for noise.  What's the deal with that?  Well I don't think we'll sell it all, but my heart is to remove its place in our hearts! 
It is my heart to make much of Christ in my home and that means the fruits of the spirit become evident in our home: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  In saying that, I'm so excited to begin K4 with Zeb this year doing A Beka curriculum!  It will be a challenge but such a blessing to be able to teach him not only how to read and write and do math, but biblical doctrine!  I cannot wait to see how he grows this year! 
I believe that when I can get my heart right, when I can begin seeking the Lord fully, it won't be a burden or a stress anymore to be a SAHM. It will be the blessing He has ordained it to be.  My home will be peaceful, loving, patient.  It will be a joy for each of us to serve one another, not a bother.  When the TV is off, we won't be worried about what we'll miss, instead we'll be eager to serve. 
There are several Moms I know having to go back to work this week or next, mostly teachers.  And their hearts are burdened in that they have to take their child to daycare or a babysitter.  My heart goes out to them.  It broke my heart to leave Zeb each morning from the time he was 5 weeks old until he was nearly 1!  And all through that time, I knew God was calling me to stay home.  But, we weren't  able to trust Him, we weren't able to go out on faith at that time and believe He would provide.  So all this got me to wondering this morning....is that longing, that pain in each Mom's heart possibly a tugging on their hearts from God to trust Him, to stay home with their little ones, to nuture and care for them?  I don't know.  I just wonder.  I know God designed us to nuture our children, to love them and raise them in the admonition of the Lord.  I know that these times and this culture says that we must have more and that staying at home is laziness.  I know my job doesn't bring in money, but it saves a lot from going out and my life has a great purpose because I feel I'm being obedient to the calling God has place on my life.  I don't know if this is every Mom's calling, but I have to believe that God desires us to put much importance on raising them.  And I wonder how many Moms, if they knew money wasn't an issue would.  Money is always going to be an issue here in America, but God is in charge of it all.  There came a point where Dustin and I just knew that we didn't have the money for me to stay at home, but God did.  And He has been so faithful.  We don't get a lot of extra, we don't get to go out much, we don't get to do a lot of things the world so enjoys, but we have a family and a home and the love of our Creator. And as my last blog showed, He even gives us special blessings from time to time that give us a little fun or breathing room in the budget! 
I am thankful for my calling and that God has entrusted these lives into my hands.  And I know they won't be in my home forever, Lord willing, hehe!  I want to invest as much of my time into raising them to be God focused as I can.  I want to seek the Lord with my whole heart and become more like Christ in my family, in my marriage, in my church, in my community, in my world.  I want Christ to be so evident in our lives that people can't help but stare and wonder why we are so strange! 

1 comment:

  1. Ok, Candi...you're the BEST!!! I swear, whenever I need a little reminder that I am doing the best thing for my family...you have it right here! I was just faced with the possibility of going to to teaching full-time, just for 1 year to be on 3rd grade again with some friends of mine. I went back and forth for weeks. I sobbed and sobbed, not knowing for sure what I should do. All the things I could do even if I just worked one year. We could pay off so much and be in such a better spot when (hopefully) #3 comes along. But I'd have to get--and pay--a sitter for Owen. And I'd need someone to get Audrey to/from school. And I wouldn't be able to volunteer at school and do all the fun Mom stuff! Paul & I both decided that it really was best for me to stay home like we planned, until all our kids are in school full time. We know this is the right choice, but just hearing you talk about it helps me heart even more. I love you!
    ~Lisa N.

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