Obsession

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. (Jer 29:11-13)

My husband and I were able to go see his mentor this weekend, once for dinner on Friday and then again last night preaching.  He preached on these verses and my how the Lord spoke to me.  I know those verses very well, have them memorized for the most part.  But still struggle to live them out.  I was led to evaluate my life, my heart.  What am I seeking with all my heart, what is my obsession?  And my answer was not fully Christ as much as I wanted it to be.  My answer was a million things, my heart is so divided in this world.  I am consumed by so many things, no wonder there are times I can't hear the voice of God.  I'm too busy filling my ears, my mind, my heart with other things.  And I choose this day to follow Christ, to set aside all those things that steal my heart from Him. 
This week has been a good week!  A man that Dustin works with told him about a friend that recently moved into the area with his daughter.  The wife/mom died a few months ago in a car accident and they could not stand to live where they did any longer due to the pain.  They moved in a small vehicle and didn't have much of anything. He quickly got a good paying job but is working crazy long hours.  He was able to find a house to rent but had nothing, not even a mattress to sleep on.  We quickly emailed our Sunday School class and told of their need and it was absolutely phenomenal to watch God's hand at work.  NO one donated the same thing, but each met a different need that they had.  And this happened all week long.  People called and emailed with new items for us to pick up to take to the family.  The family now has a furnished home and new Bibles and clothes.  They are not believers, yet the Bibles with their names on them made the biggest impact!  They are so appreciative of everything, but the Bibles are the one thing they can't seem to get over!  Praise the Lord!  They are excited about them and want to read them.  So the week was awesome in that we saw our church family become the hands and feet of Jesus!
It was also an awesome week because God spoke to me.  He wants my whole heart and showed me all the areas in which He's not receiving it.  As a stay at home Mom, I think it becomes real easy to just turn on cartoons so we can get a few minutes of peace or a few moments to get laundry and dishes done.  And soon I'm going to have two babies and a 4 year old.  There aren't going to be a lot of opportunities to clean house.  My roles as a SAHM vary, from being the housekeeper, to the daycare provider, to the grocery buyer, to the cook, to the always loving and willing and ready wife.  I sometimes become so obsessed with being all these things at once that I stress out completely.  And I'm fixing to add another job title to my role, I will be homeschooling Zeb.  So to be all these things at once is a lot more difficult than it ever was for me to be a full time teacher in public schools.  But the Lord showed me that my ministry, my role right now is to be a Godly wife and mother that pursues hard after Him.  He will work out the rest.  There may be days my house is messy, but my sons and soon-to-be-here daughter will be loved and held and taught and comforted.  They won't have a TV babysit them.  I am ready to sell every TV in my house and get rid of DishNet for the sake of my family.  We are obsessed with TV, our culture is.  It can't ever just be quiet in our house for some reason, if it is, we turn on the TV for noise.  What's the deal with that?  Well I don't think we'll sell it all, but my heart is to remove its place in our hearts! 
It is my heart to make much of Christ in my home and that means the fruits of the spirit become evident in our home: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  In saying that, I'm so excited to begin K4 with Zeb this year doing A Beka curriculum!  It will be a challenge but such a blessing to be able to teach him not only how to read and write and do math, but biblical doctrine!  I cannot wait to see how he grows this year! 
I believe that when I can get my heart right, when I can begin seeking the Lord fully, it won't be a burden or a stress anymore to be a SAHM. It will be the blessing He has ordained it to be.  My home will be peaceful, loving, patient.  It will be a joy for each of us to serve one another, not a bother.  When the TV is off, we won't be worried about what we'll miss, instead we'll be eager to serve. 
There are several Moms I know having to go back to work this week or next, mostly teachers.  And their hearts are burdened in that they have to take their child to daycare or a babysitter.  My heart goes out to them.  It broke my heart to leave Zeb each morning from the time he was 5 weeks old until he was nearly 1!  And all through that time, I knew God was calling me to stay home.  But, we weren't  able to trust Him, we weren't able to go out on faith at that time and believe He would provide.  So all this got me to wondering this morning....is that longing, that pain in each Mom's heart possibly a tugging on their hearts from God to trust Him, to stay home with their little ones, to nuture and care for them?  I don't know.  I just wonder.  I know God designed us to nuture our children, to love them and raise them in the admonition of the Lord.  I know that these times and this culture says that we must have more and that staying at home is laziness.  I know my job doesn't bring in money, but it saves a lot from going out and my life has a great purpose because I feel I'm being obedient to the calling God has place on my life.  I don't know if this is every Mom's calling, but I have to believe that God desires us to put much importance on raising them.  And I wonder how many Moms, if they knew money wasn't an issue would.  Money is always going to be an issue here in America, but God is in charge of it all.  There came a point where Dustin and I just knew that we didn't have the money for me to stay at home, but God did.  And He has been so faithful.  We don't get a lot of extra, we don't get to go out much, we don't get to do a lot of things the world so enjoys, but we have a family and a home and the love of our Creator. And as my last blog showed, He even gives us special blessings from time to time that give us a little fun or breathing room in the budget! 
I am thankful for my calling and that God has entrusted these lives into my hands.  And I know they won't be in my home forever, Lord willing, hehe!  I want to invest as much of my time into raising them to be God focused as I can.  I want to seek the Lord with my whole heart and become more like Christ in my family, in my marriage, in my church, in my community, in my world.  I want Christ to be so evident in our lives that people can't help but stare and wonder why we are so strange! 

Blessings

I have been itching to get to write my blog this week, just finding the time and energy has delayed me.  But this morning I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed about 6:45 am and dove into my new Bible study: Living Beyond Yourself by Beth Moore as I anxiously awaited writing my blog. 
In posts recently I've mentioned our hardships, that I felt like Laura Story's song "Blessings" could describe our lives.  The past few weeks God has done some amazing things. 

Before I get into all that, we were able to have a wonderful 4th birthday party for Zeb on the 9th with a pool party.  Poor kid fell on the concrete, scraping up his leg pretty bad right before the party and was so frightened to get in the pool because he just knew it was going to burn.  After about 30 minutes of persuasion, we were able to get him in and he forgot all about his wound.  We all had a blast and he was blessed with so many gifts!  We also surprised him them with a recording of our friends telling him they would see him in Florida on the 12th!  He was so excited. 

Zeb's beach theme cake



Pool party

So surprised with each gift!

Blowing out the #4 candle

I spoke of God leading us to cash out our retirments to pay off some debt...I am proud to say we have been obedient!  Last week I wrote three checks paying of three debts thus far.  We still have money in the account to pay off more as we pray about which one(s) to pay.  I cannot tell you the weight that has been lifted from us.  To actually see money in our account has been WILD! 
I must also praise my husband.  His hardships at work have been taxing.  I told about him not getting promotions and raises as promised.  He has kept his intergrity greatly. A few months ago, he did feel God leading him to take the problems to higher authorities though because his voice was not being heard and he wasn't the only in the business being treated in this way.  He went to a wonderfully hardworking HR lady, who I am so thankful for. She was appauled at the treatment they were getting.  She worked long and hard and I'm so proud to say that Dustin received his promised raise last week...plus they backpaid him all the way from October all that they have owed him!!!  Glorious day! 
Admist all this, God blessed us with a refreshing time of vacation in Florida with our dear friends.  The boys traveled wonderfully, pregnant me did just fine without having to stop too often as well.  We were able to spend little cash because we just spent a lot of time visiting and relaxing on the beach.  Our friends were so gracious to allow us the opportunity to stay the week with them in their house they had rented for the month, they even gave us the master suite and they slept on the couch bed!  Talk about GREAT friends!  We were able to encourage them, they encouraged us and we played some extreme games of nerts!  We ate a lot of great food, probably too much seafood for this pregnant gal, but I couldn't resist!  And baby girl seemed to check out just fine at my Dr visit Friday!  Our friends' 12 year old son got stung by a jellyfish, which was absurd since we were all right around him and didn't see a thing.  Poor kid!  He was amazing though and I'd say he took it like a man. Zeb felt so terrible for him and asked him not to cry and not to get stung again!  Sy ate sand by the spoonfulls, literally. He got one of Zeb's shovels and just shoveled it in. When a shovel wasn't available, he would lick his finger, dip it in the sand, and back into his mouth.  He loved the taste of the salt water.  He was pretty smitten on our friends!  I think they were him too! 

Digging to China



Zeb begged to be buried

Cheese-ball pose

Sy eating the sand

 



So, in previous blogs I also mentioned we were going to be in need of a larger vehicle for our growing family.  When we got back from vacation we decided to go to a few dealerships to give them an idea of what we were looking for so they could be on the lookout.  We don't need the vehicle until close to November.  Last Thursday we went to a local dealership who said "we've got that exact thing, just traded for it today." So we briefly checked it out, thought it was really nice and thought we'd go back Saturday to really look it over.  Because I didn't want us to be too hasty, I conned Dustin into going to Little Rock on Friday afternoon to see all of our options. I'm telling you, wrapping my mind around being a mini-van Mom has been hard, so I wanted to see what kind of vans and suvs we could afford that were low mileage, etc.  Friday night posed to be a lot of snakes not wanting to work with us.  We woke up Saturday thinking we weren't quite sure what to do, but invited my Dad along to go look at the van we saw on Thursday.  It was better than we even knew.  It is a 2007 Toyota Sienna, 8 seater, with some amazing Mom technology and bonuses.  It only has 62k miles on it and was in phenominal shape.  Plus it was Toyota certified which means that any part of it that doesn't look or act like new, they would make to look and act like new before we bought it.  With my husband's negotiation skills and my Dad's persuasion of that being a GREAT deal, we bought our first mini-van.  We traded in our little Corrolla for a little less than we wanted but we walked away having to finance very little.  We have the extra money to pay that debt, but since we're able to latch on to 2.9% APR, we will probably just pay those bills monthly, putting extra on it each month, and paying off a student loan whose interest is 6.8%! 
I say all these things to say PRAISE OUR LORD!  He is amazing and has shown Himself so faithful to us.  He has provided for our needs and is making a way for us to pay off debt, which will enable us to go and serve Him in whatever capacity He has for us. 
I'm telling you, I'm excited at what the Lord has done and is doing right now that we don't even know about!  He is able, He is faithful, He is amazing, He is worth our everything. 

I'm seeing PINK!!

  To start, we went to the Dr. on Tuesday to discover we will be having a baby girl this time around. We are so excited and now are working on the perfect name.  I'm always quicker to be settled on a name than Dustin, so basically, that's what we're waiting on:)  It is kind of funny, I've always wanted a girl, I wanted my boy first and then a girl so she would have someone to protect her.  I thought for sure Sy was going to be a girl, but the Lord had other plans. And I'm thinking it has something to do with this girl is going to need the protection of two brothers....yikes!  But as I tell people we're having a girl, the same thing keeps getting said back to me...."oh, you're in for it... I'd take 10 boys over a girl...girls are trouble...etc" So, I'm still excited, but I'm a little leary now!:)  I know that each gender has their great qualities, so I will just have to learn a whole new way of being Mom.

  Now as for the boys...Sy has taken his first steps. I'm pretty sure if he'd just get confident he'd be walking everywhere by himself. Now, I'm seeing positives and negatives to this as most parents do.  I'm thinking this will help when I have all the kids together, Zeb and Sy can hold hands and walk together while I carry sister.  But it also means a lot more chasing:)  He is so funny shaking his head no, its mostly a game, but he does seem to do it at perfect times as well as if he is answering us. 
Zeb is about to have his 4th birthday and he is so excited. We are having a swimming party at the place he took swimming lessons and he pretty well invites anyone we meet, so I"m not sure how many are going to show up:)  We are having a beach party theme and I'm excited to make his cake.  I'll try to post a picture of that next blog!  He learned a new phrase this week, which happens about every week!  I was talking to my mom and she asked a question, well my response was "no telling" and Zeb said, "yes, tell".  We chuckled and had to figure out a way of explaining that "no telling" doesn't mean I don't want to tell but that I don't know the answer.  Our language is so absurd yet I don't realize it as much until my kids ask why we say certain things or ask the meaning of things.  Have you realized how difficult it is to come up with the definitions to some of our words?? Its tough! Zeb also graduated from his swimming class on Friday so he'll be good and ready for his party!  And for our upcoming vacation that he still doesn't know about.  We are getting to go to Florida, to the beach for a few days with some wonderful friends.  Their kids are tweeners, but Zeb loves them and they actually helped their Mom babysit him from age 6 weeks-1year old! 
  For me and the Mr...we have begun sending off paperwork to receive our retirements.  This is going to go towards our current debt and free up some monthly $.  We also have plans to sell our car, so that we can pay cash for our next roomier vehicle, which is yet to be found.  We're hoping to find a great used low mileage vehicle that will fit three car seats and still have a little extra room.  I've been looking at the Honday Odyssey, Toyota Sienna, and the one we can't afford even used GMC Acadia.  I like lots of other crossovers/suvs, but I'm wanting good gas mileage, roomy for the family, and priced well! So if you know of anything...I'm open to suggestions!  We also were able to get a little extra dough by using a company called Bill Cutterz out of Texas, who have a website, billcutterz.com.  They assess all yours bills and make negotiations with your companines for lower rates.  Check them out if you are interested.  They were actually very impressed with how low our bills were to start so we didn't save as much as their typical customers, but I think that's because we have already cut as much as we can and are pretty frugal! 
  Not so frugal was this past week:(  We had an opportunity to have one of the kids we used to keep in the children's home in Fort Worth for the weekend.  It was great. Zeb loved it and they played and caught up just like old times:)  We had to make a trip to Chuck E Cheeses when we picked him up since that is one of his and Zeb's favorite places to go.  We also had to buy some fireworks to shoot off while he was here.  And when we took him back to his uncle's, Dustin took me for my birthday date.  It was a week early since we are going to be doing Zeb's this weekend.  He took me shopping for about 3 hours and then to eat and to a movie.  It has been a long time since we've had that much time together just the two of us. My parents kept our kiddos overnight, so it was wonderful.  My husband spoiled me and I just adore the guy!  In return, we spent the past two days, his holiday days off from work, working with him for the overtime!  So for every day of splurging the poor guy has to work extra!:)  Plus, he's working to pay for our vacation next week.  We are all so excited to go to the beach for a few days and get to spend some much needed quality time as a family and with our wonderful friends!  Hopefully upon our return I will have birthday party pics and Florida pics ready to post.  So Mom and Patti, I will not be posting next week, but will do my best to blog the next week after vacation!  Thank you two for encouraging me to keep up with this!!  And guess what Lisa, this one should be tear free, I finally have all uplifting things to blog about! Hehe! 
 

My Heart

Thanks to my wonderful cousin Patti Sittner, I am updating my blog. She sweetly reminded me I hadn't in a week or more:)  I TRULY appreciate the reminders!  I think to do it right in the middle of a diaper change or feeding and then forget by the end. Besides I'm 18 weeks pregnant with two kids...so my brain is pretty well useless! 
Well, I started my summer bible study at my church on Monday and I mean to tell you, WOW!  It is Beth Moore's "Wising Up Whenever Life Happens".  She spoke directly to me the entire lesson, though my pastor's wife said that Beth was talking to her.  So I'm not sure who wins that discussion...but I guess God can talk to both of us in our own situations at the same time through His Word, can't He??!!  In Proverbs 13:12 it says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."  Tears welled up in my eyes as she spoke.  She was telling of the 4 ailments of the heart (which are bad things) and one was the hope-sick heart.  The heart that has been waiting and waiting for something.  The heart that has prayed in faith for something over and over yet has not yet received.  I wish I could say that mine was hope-sick because I've been patiently waiting healing from a disease or to become a first time Mom, but no...my hope-sick heart is much more shallow.  My heart had become so downcast, maybe even a little bitter at my God because of my husband's job.  We went to seminary 3 years ago only on faith, knowing that God would eventually provide a full time ministry position for us or a load of knowledge to take on the mission field with us.  Then last August Dustin graduated with a Master of Divinity and since has put in hundreds of resumes to churches, only to either not hear anything back at all, God to close the door, or the churches to be "pursuing other options".  In the meantime, God provided him a job on the gas field where honesty and integrity is so obselete that I'm not sure if anyone knows the meaning of the words.  Basically, you just need "buddies".  He has been passed over time and time again for promotions, he has not received promised raises, though he is labeled a "top performer" by fellow workers and bosses.  All the while, our bills are barely getting paid and he is not only physically exhausted but mentally and spiritually beaten up.  And I'm at home, without an income, trying to follow God's call on my life to nuture and admonish my children and be a home-lover (Titus 2).  So as you can see, my heart is ill.  I feel like we have waited and waited.  And a few months ago, I gave up praying for that full time ministry position anymore. I figured God must not want us to do that or He'd provide it.  Then Beth Moore said something about the second part of that verse...she said when the desire is fulfilled it is a tree of life.  She said it's not a bush, it's not a mere flower, it's a TREE, and trees take time to become their full potential!  WOW!  At this point, in a class of about 12 women, I'm fighting back tears so I won't embarrass myself.  Needless to say at the end of class I share this testimony and embarrassed myself anyway, but I felt God leading me to be me!  It was at this point I realized I had a real heart problem.  I needed to trust God!  I needed to be patient, cause he's working on our tree and it's gonna be a big oak apparently!  :) And it's ok for Dustin to not fit in at work and not be making the big bucks or hobknobbing with the big wigs, because God doesn't want us to get too comfortable!  He's got a plan and its our job to wait and have faith.  Beth Moore said to look at the words wait and faith atop each other and see that 3/5 of faith is in the wait.  (ait)  So I prayed good and hard Monday and confessed some other heart ailments to my husband and my God and He is working on me.  He has called me to be diligent in praying, faithful while we wait, and to be soft to those around me.  I let some hurts harden my heart, I realized that the only person who I probably hadn't hardened my heart to yet was my 9 month old son, and you know why, because he hasn't hurt me yet!  Pathetic I know...but I'm praying for that softening to everyone in my life. 
I know I had more to share this week, more funnies that Zeb has said, but my heart is kind of stuck on this transformation God is trying to do in me.  I will share that Zeb has decided to give up gymnastics, I think they aren't going deep enough for him:)  He wants to do the hard stuff and they are keeping it simple.  And Sy has learned to shake his head no this week and make lots of noises and play with his tongue. He is mimicing a ton as well!  Dustin has begun teaching our young marrieds Sunday School class at church and is loving getting to use his seminary degree in a volunteer way. His goal someday is to be able to preach for free.  I guess once we pay off all our debt and pay off our kids and build a little savings, maybe he can!  But for now, he gets to just serve in our church and it's awesome!  We had 14 our first day and 18 today!  We are so excited on how God is already working among them and us! 
Pray with us for God to guide us...and that we would be patient for His moving and not our own.  We are still trying to discover if God wants Dustin to serve as a full time Pastor at a church, if we are to plant a church in North America or be foreign missionaries.  All we know is we want to be fully devoted and committed to Christ no matter whether its vocationally or not.  Pray for our finances, that God would provide what we need each month for bills and groceries and gas, the upcoming medical bills for the new baby and that we would be good stewards of what He does provide.  Speaking of which...I taught school in 3 different states for 6 years and being a young 30 year old, have not thought about retirement.  Well it dawned on my husband the other day that we should look into my past teaching experiences to see if I had any retirement.  Talk about the Lord providing...we just located about 12K that I had in retirement through Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas.  Crazy right?!  So total with mine and Dustin's, we have about 17K that we are praying over how to best invest it.  Dave Ramsey suggests paying off all our debt before starting retirement funds, so that may be a way God helps us to get rid of bills!  Also, we are praying for a bigger vehicle before our next child arrives in November.  Our little Toyota Corrolla fits two car seats okay, but I just don't think we could squeeze another in the back seat! 
I just want to thank all who are reading and keeping up with me.  Please be sure to become a follower by clicking on the Follow me icon on the mid-left part of the page.  God bless!

Zeb's questions continue...

Last night while singing and praying at bedtime, Zeb posed another good question:) I was praying and when I finished zeb asked if Jesus hears me. I asked, "well what do you think?" he said "no". I asked why and he said "because you talk to quiet"! :) thus began our lesson on Jesus being able to hear any voice, even the unspoken thoughts we have:) this morning's question was a bit more serious. He said "mom, we have to die to go see Jesus right?" I said yes and he asked "how will we die? Will we die on a cross?" I told him I didn't know how we would die but probably not on a cross, they did that in Jesus' day but theydon't do that much anymore. Wow...his brain is so full of thought! I'm definitely going to have to study and be ready in and out of season!

Hard Questions

Zeb

Well as my son, Zeb, continues to grow in age and stature, his questions are becoming increasingly more difficult to answer. Now Zeb is the kind of kid that will talk the whole way from California to Florida!  He is so inquisitive, he wants to know what every word means, what things are along side the road, what each sign says, how and why people do things they do.  And more recently as we've been better able to share Jesus with him, his questions are revolving around death, salvation, Christ's return, etc.  Now from a three year old, I find these questions to be quite "BIG". 
My son overheard Dustin telling his Mom about a man who had passed away last week due to a car accident.  I guess he had a few questions for Dustin, but I think he saves most of the hardest ones for me when Dustin isn't here to refer him to! :) 
Each day at naptime Zeb wants me to sing one song and most of the time, it is Zacchaeus.  So after singing it yesterday Zeb asked if Jesus lives near Zacchaeus.  I told him that sadly I didn't know, I needed to look that up.  (And that was the easiest question he asked in this conversation!) He went on to ask when we were going to go to Jesus' house. I said whenever Jesus is ready to come and get us.  He said, "Mom, I'm ready to go to Jesus'" house.  Oh yah, water works right now.  Okay, my three year old son is ready to proclaim he is ready to be with Jesus. It got me thinking, can I say that??  Yes, I'm saved, I am a child of God, I know when I die that I will live in eternity with Jesus, but am I ready for that??  My flesh cries out NO!!! NOT YET!!  But why??  Why is my 3 year old son eager to get there and I'm not?  Because the pleasures of this world, the passing pleasures still have a grip on my heart.  Dear Lord, rip that grip to shreds!  I began praying to God that my heart would be so ready to meet him face to face.  What is there to love about this world anyway?  I find myself discontent and complaining all too often as it is, why on earth would I want to prolong my stay?  So...have you asked yourself that question lately?  Are you ready?  Do you know Christ as your Lord and Savior and have received the grace through your faith in Him?  It is only through Christ that we are saved.  No other name can get us to heaven or reunited with the God who created us.  And if you are...do the cares of this world, the fleeting pleasures of this world have such a grip on you that you aren't quite willing to go just yet??  These are hard questions.  It was through my son, my three year old dear son, that God brought this to light in my heart.  I pray that God would make me more ready everyday.  I think of the song by Laura Story, "Blessings" and it is so true.  I think these hard times in life are possibly God's mercies.  It could be worse.  But one day it's going to be so much better and I want to long for that day more than anyother.  I want to desire the Lord's coming like I desire my husband to get home from work each day!  Or even greater!

It's about time

I'm so glad to know I have readers!!!  My Mom emailed me today and asked if I had given up on my blog or if she just wasn't getting the updates...oops...sorry Mom. I'm on it now, it's about time I get to it anyhow! 
So here goes...yesterday I had to give thanks to my Lord for showing Himself to me in an odd way.  We live in a rent house and our landlord goes to church with us, this family has been so kind to us!  Well our air conditioner has not been working well, it runs non-stop from about 9 am-midnight.  And even at that, the temperature rises all the while.  So at about 5:30 last night I began to get really flush, feeling like I was going to pass out, wondering how I was going to cook dinner for my family.  The temperature had risen to 80 inside, yah I know I'm a wuss!  I was near tears and I explained to my husband that I couldn't handle the heat but more than that I cannot fathom what our electric bill is going to be this summer with the ac running non-stop.  We had an ac guy out this weekend and basically he said its doing all that it can do.  So anyhow, in my near tears state I began to cry out to God that I needed to know what we needed to do.  Did we need to move to another rental house/apartment with utilities included so that we could survive the summer??  Well I didn't hear an audible answer, but my phone rang. It was my landlord and she said that she found some window units in their shop and wanted to know if that would help.  So...of course we said yes and I recognize that as my God providing!  It isn't going to help our electric bill, but I might just survive the summer being pregnant:)
I have been stressing a little over the summer for other reasons as well.  I am a stay at home Mom that likes to stay at home.  For one, we don't have money to go and spend doing things anyway. But second, I just like being at home with my kids. I don't get enough done as it is, I can't imagine never being home.  Well, this summer has provided a ton of activity for us.  I will have a bible study on Monday mornings, Tuesday mornings Zeb will have swim lessons and gymnastics, Wednesdays are free except for church in the evening, Thursdays Zeb has swim, I will be meeting with my mentor, and we will have Life groups that evening, then Friday we have been invited to a friends to swim.  SO...I'm excited for what we have the opportunities to do that will not cost me a things other than time.  I'm thankful that I will be able to develop and grow relationships.  I'm just a little worried that I won't get much done around the house.  I am now in my 2nd trimester though, so my energy level is back up again and I might just have some nesting sprees:) 
Speaking of 2nd trimester...21 more days until we hopefully find out whether we are being blessed with a sweet girl, or another adorable son.  I can honestly say I'd be happy with either one.  Of course there is something in me longing to doll up a little girl, but I already have boy stuff and have kind of figured out how to deal with boys. 
Well...I think that is all that I have to update at this point. 
I'd like to recommend a bible study for any who might need a little something: "Lord Change My Attitude" by James McDonald.  It has really opened my eyes to see how negative I was and how negativity breeds negativity.  I also began to see how to be content with my lot, not base my joy and happiness on circumstances or possessions.  It is helping me to think more positively, to be a content and joyful soul.  I would encourage anyone to go through this study, either on your own, with your family, or maybe with a group.  I think it can be life changing!

Pictures

I thought since I don't have a lot on my mind today to get off, I would post some pictures of my family.  We spent the weekend riding around with my husband for his job so he could get in some overtime but not sacrifice hours of family time.  He put in over 20 hours this weekend, we were with him for about 11 of it.  So I guess that's why I don't have too much on my mind.  I did see first hand what all my husband does and am so proud of him.  We never would've imagined last summer that when we moved here, we'd still be here and he'd still be working in the gas field.  When he graduated with his Masters of Divinity, we just knew churches would be flocking to him wanting him as their pastor.  Met a lady yesterday at church whose husband has been waiting 3 years for a pastorate.  Man on man...I just pray that God would put these truly God-fearing men in positions to truly lead and encourage his people with God's truth and remove the jokes from the pulpit that are high and lofty and merely lift their name on high, rather than the ONE who is deserving.  Okay..enough of that...PICTURES!:)

Zebbers posing not so willingly in a field of beautiful flowers.

These diaper boxes come in handy for playtime~

Little Zeb ALWAYS helps mow the lawn, he follows the path Daddy has made:) Adorable!

Sy tends to crawl right out of his pants:)

Zeb all ready to help daddy work this weekend!

My Testimony

Today doing my Bible study, I found the Lord leading me to share my testimony here.  I hope that it encourages and gives hope! 
I was raised in a Southern Baptist Church. I was involved in everything, Christmas plays, GA's, vacation bible school, etc.  When I was about 7, I went forward with several other kids at VBS and declared I wanted to be saved.  Looking back, I believe I just wanted heaven and didn't understand my depravity, my sin, nor what salvation meant.  I was a pretty good kid. I liked to please my parents and stayed pretty active in 4H, summer ball, plays, etc.  We continued to go to church regularly until I was about 12.  The church we were at kind of died down after our pastor left and we went to another local SBC church.  A deacon came to our house and spoke with my parents and I remember overhearing him say something about "not needing our problems in their church."  So my attitude towards that church was not great to start with. My Mom was diligent and took us there anyway.  My Dad didn't go as much, he was busy with work and burned by the church himself.
My teenage years were a struggle. I fought a lot with my Mom and she would drag us to church when we could be persuaded. I hated youth group, I thought it was a bunch of dorky goody-two-shoes kids.  I became a part of the "popular" crowd at school. I was on the cheersquad, played all the sports, was in FFA, Student Council, etc.  I made great grades and continued to tried to impress my parents through my academics and extracurricular involvements. They were extremely supportive, my parents never missed an event.  I felt very blessed in that seeing most parents rarely show up.  Church became less and less important to me, especially since we often had late night games on Saturdays.  We were a very rural school, so we had to travel up to 4 hours to away games.  I began to discover a great interest in boys.  I found one that I thought would be a great catch. He was a year younger than me and new to the high school.  We "dated" for about a year and became involved in inappropriate relations.  I never wanted to be one of those girls. Even though I wasn't in church much or saved even, I did want to save myself for marriage and be a "good girl".  I knew it would disappoint my parents and it was never in my hear to do that.  When my parents realized the extent of our relationship, they forbid me to see him.  My rebellious spirit grew into a rampage. We snuck around and I became involved in other immoral activites; parties, drinking, etc.  The relationship didn't last, though my heart longed for it to. I just knew I was "in love." Admist all of this, my relationship with my Mom, Dad and brother became very rocky.  We put on our masks in public and were a great family. But I had broken their hearts and there was a lot of disappointment.  My brother went off to college my senior year and something about him not being home anymore, seemed to bind my family closer again. It helped that I wasn't in a relationship any longer too!  The summer before I left for college, I began to feel a great love and repentance towards my parents.  I knew at that point I was on my own and didn't have anyone to "save" me should I make big mistakes 4 hours away from home. 
My first year of college, I hung out with some great gals that were sold out to Christ.  I had never seen anything like it.  I went to some bible studies with them, but just kind of stayed on the outskirts.  The following year a few of my high school friends moved up to my school and shared an apartment with me.  I was very wishy-washy in my behaviors. One day I'd go to the Baptist Student Ministries with one friend and party the next night with the other friend.  I was on a roller coaster ride trying to discover who I was and who I wanted to be.  We all kind of had some changes of heart and went our seperate ways.  I spent that summer with a lady who worked at the BSM. She spent a lot of time investing in me, just being a friend.  As I became closer to her, I wanted to do more with the girls at the BSM. I became involved in bible studies, went on mission trips, basically spent all my free time there.  I went on a statewide BSM retreat one April and felt complete conviction of all my sin.  I called this my "rededication".  I continued to be very involved with this ministry my entire college stay and found a local church to attend.  Though I don't believe, in my heart I ever really made a change. My outward actions changed dramatically, but my heart was always the same. 
I moved to Arkansas my senior year of college to do my student teaching, I needed a place to live for free so I moved in with my parents.  I looked for churches all that semester, to find much of nothing.  The next fall, I moved to another town for my first teaching job. I was all on my own. It was a very taxing school and broke my heart. By Thanksgiving of that year, I was ready to quit.  But I found a great church and plugged in with their singles group and made great friends who encouraged me the whole year through. At the end of that year, I had resigned and moved back near my parents and went to work at the school I student taught at.  I loved teaching at that school.  I made some great friends and my brother and his wife had moved to the same town, so I had a lot of companionship.  My Mom told me they had a new youth pastor at her church she wanted me to meet. So I went and saw him, I thought he was a bit too "military" looking for me.  The summer of 2003 though I began attending my parents church.  A few kids from the youth group wanted me to help out, so I did.  I ended up falling for the youth guy...my husband now...he had amazing passion and taught with such conviction. I was under his spell:)  By the next summer we were courting, within a month we were dating and within another month we were engaged. We were married 3 months later, December 18, 2004.  He finished his undergraduate degree in Biblcial Studies and by June he had his first full time youth pastor job in Oklahoma. We packed up and moved there.  It was a very tough ministry. We had rough kids and a lot of purging to do there.  Satan really held a tight grip over the town and the young people.  Satan even began to interfere with Dustin and my relationship.  We had a lot of "intense fellowships".  November 8, 2006 Brother Travis Plumlee was leading a revival at our church.  It was then I knew, with my heart pounding violently, I wasn't saved at all.  I had realized that I wanted the benefits of salvation, without the transformation and works.  I was so embarrased, I was the youth pastor's wife and I wasn't saved!  But...God did a great thing, he convicted the pastor's wife as well and some deacons wives!  I wasn't alone.  I nailed down that day my salvation. I asked God to be my Lord and Savior and totally consume and transform my life.  Now life has not always been "hunky-dory" since but each step has been a step of faith and sanctification. I'm growing each day.  Within the first year of being saved, I told my husband I wanted a divorce.  Things had been rocky and Satan was medling.  He wasn't about to give me that...he asked me a simple question that I couldn't answer. He said "do you really love me?" My silence was the answer.  I spent the next few weeks studying 1 Corinthians 13 to find out what love meant.  And God gave me His love and my husband waited patiently for me to truly love him.  I think since then, we have grown together in so many ways, but that was a turning point for me.  We've learned how to fight in Godly manner, how to resolve conflict and cling to each other instead of pushing away. 
I love the Lord, I love how He is patiently waiting for us to receive Him.  He loves with a crazy, unfathomable love and gives us that to share with others. I love that He saved me, that He didn't leave me to think I was saved because I said some repeated prayer at 7 not knowing what I was doing.  I'm thankful that He is my husband's all in all and that He is so evident in His character and actions. 
My testimony isn't something I'm proud of, in fact most is embarrassing. But I am proud of where God has brought me. That this sinful, depraved, rebellious teenage, was saved by His grace, is a pastor's wife, is a stay at home Mom with a passion for seeing her kids raised and nutured in the admonition of the Lord.  He is able to change us, He is able to refine us from soot to gold!  Praise the ONE!!

What a week!

It has been some week.  Sy went from having a double ear infection to the croup last week.  We got him a steroid and he improved some on our trip to Oklahoma to visit Dustin's family.  While we were there, he took a turn for the worse. He struggled to breath and was extremely congested.  He had fever and it was obvious the poor baby was miserable! He is my home body kid anyway, but you could tell he longed to be in the comfort of his own home. While we were there, Zeb and his cousin were playing baseball inside the living room and collided "running the bases" so Zeb has a big black eye!
We had some shining moments though. It was great to visit with all of Dustin's family and we had some wonderful friends come over for an evening of pizza and cards.  We caught up on old times and new times!  There is just something so comforting and warm about lifetime friends, those friends you can be away from and maybe not even hear from for sometime, yet when you get together its as if you've never been apart. 
The Lord has provided this week for us in a special way.  He gave me the opportunity to babysit a little 3 year old boy who plays very well with Zeb.  It has not only been good for Zeb but has provided a little extra income.  Dustin was also able to sell some tools last week!  So with all that we about have our tires paid for from last week...woohoo...Thank you Jesus!!
Speaking of babysitting...I'm extremely "out of shape" when it comes to getting up early, getting ready and be ready to "work" for the day.  This has been a week where I have "needed" coffee...though I haven't given into it just yet.  My sister-in-law did bring me some creamer though in case I am desperate!  I can't drink coffee without some creamy goodness!  I'm really trying to not have it, because I was so addicted to it before I got pregnant and I've been very faithful to not drinking it since we found out.  I'm not sure what's so different about this week as to compared to days when I just have my kids.  I'm basically getting up at the same time as normal, but I guess I feel like I've got to be ready and get my game face on.  The kid is great, he's no extra "work", but I guess since he's not mine, I'm extra dilligent to make sure everything is safe, he is having a good time, etc. 
Well since arriving back home, Sy has made a turn for the good. I'm telling you, he just likes to be at home.  He is back to being my sweet boy and is sleeping wonderfully.  He is still congested some and the sweet thing is just now regaining his voice, it sounds so cute, it being all raspy.  Zeb's eye is healing, but looks pretty nasty.  And we're having a good week.  Some doors are being opened, we are prayerful to discover if God is opening them and what He would have us to do.  Please join us in praying. We desire to be in His perfect will and to submit and obey immediately. 

Couponing

So, I'm watching extreme couponing for the first time and I'm flabbergasted. One woman spends 70 hours a week clipping coupons and researching deals. Then she does a three hour pre shopping trip to scavenge deals. The shopping day requires about 4 hours of shopping and 3 hours at the checkout! Now as bad as I want to save money, I don't have that kind of time or desire to spend in that. My kids and husband mean a lot more to me as does spending time with them. Just a quick thought:)

Tempted to Doubt...yet He's never failed me!

As I drove the kids to my parents on Sunday for lunch, in the pouring rain, I gripped the wheel and went all of 45 miles an hour, as passerbys gave me dirty looks. Its not that I'm scared of driving in the rain so much, though growing up in Arizona, rain was a very scarce occurence so I am not used to it:)  The problem is, I was scared of our tires. They keep losing air and do not have good traction at all.  When it snowed a few months ago, we skidded and slid just trying to make a 3 mile an hour turn into our road!  Nonetheless, at my slow speed on Sunday I managed to hydroplane some. It wasn't too scary, we just kind of got caught up in the flowing across the road water and then it spewed me out.  My son Zeb asked if we had been in an accident, I guess because he find the big jolt as it threw us out of the water.  This got Dustin concerned. My Dad took the car to the tire shop for me this morning and called with the report.  A little over $400 and we can feel safe and secure once again, especially before we make the trip to Oklahoma this weekend for Dustin's grandfather's 95th birthday and Mother's Day!  So, yes I am extremely tempted to doubt.  As I survey our in the red checkbook and bills keep coming in the mail and a baby on the way, requiring payments of $150/month until the child arrives just to pay my Dr. I'm more than tempted just to be real honest.  In fact as I write this I tear up.  But why should I doubt now?? When has my God ever failed me??? HE HASN'T!!!  So, I lay my financial burdens at His feet right now and proclaim His goodness and His grace. He knew we would need tires this month!  He knew we would be pregnant with our next child and that the Dr. isn't free nor cheap!  He knew that our bills would be more than the paycheck.  And you know what, I am not afraid.  What can man do to me??  They can take everything I have but as long as I have Jesus, I have enough!  Riches may fail, but never my Redeemer!  I'm nailing it down right now...He will provide what I need because He promised He would.  I may not see it at the moment, but I will recognize God's hand. 

2nd post

Well this post is not as timely as I would've hoped. Between my little guy having a double ear infection and me staying nauseated daily...I've not done much of anything.  Which is why I decided to post today.  So Friday night, I could not go to sleep, which is unfathomable at this point in my pregnancy, I pretty well can sleep all day and night if I were allowed to.  Anyway, I had such an anxious spirit.  The reason for this anxiousness I guess is that we paid our bills that night because it was my husband's payday.  We had $40 bucks left which would have to cover another bill coming out yesterday I guess.  It is so hard to watch your money dwindle away and not have a whole lot to show for it.  It is hard to trust God in those times.  But crazyily enough, I do!  He has never failed to provide for us.  And get this...Saturday the whole family got to go with my husband to work so he could get some overtime.  This is the first time we've ever been on the job with him.  But it was pretty simple work, just hooking up to trailers and moving them to different jobsites. And then about 9pm Saturday night, a man called Dustin and said a preacher had gotten the stomach flu and wanted him to preach for him Sunday morning. Its a good thing my husband believes in the verse about being ready in season and out of season.  It was raining like crazy Sunday morning and the "normal" way to go was blocked by destruction from a massive tornado last week.  So the Garmin took him another way, which led to a flooded area he could not drive through, which led to another flooded way...but finally just in time to preach he made it there!  He was determined that God wanted him there and wasn't going to give up.  What's even more awesome is that this little church that had about 25 in attendence handed him a $100 check for preaching one service!  Now tell me my God does not provide! 
So back to Friday night, amongst my anxiety I felt God wanting me to make a list. And on this list I wrote down some things that my soul needs and our family needs.  This is where any followers come in...I am just learning about couponing.  Now I go to a couple of websites, but I'm a mom who has to take the kids to the store with her, so going to 15 different stores just to get the best sales is not an option for me.  So...please inform me of any couponing sites, or any quick and simple ways to check out with screaming kids:)  Another thing on my list of to-dos is to research how to consolidate student loans. My husband has two that we need to consolidate, but the places he has them with do not do that. Any suggestions??  I also would love to find fun, FREE things to do as a family.  While working with my husband this weekend, we found a beautiful spot to picnic right on the river.  It was a ton of fun and the boys loved being outside and able to roam, even little crawling Sy. 
My heart is no longer anxious, my God proved once again, He is able and willing to provide!  Now, I just have to be faithful to do my part to research and figure out how we can save more money, especially since we'll have child number 3 in November which will require a new vehicle. There is no way another carseat will fit in my little Corrolla:)  

Day 1 of Blogging

The Lord called me to be a stay at home Mom about 2.5 years ago.  My husband was in seminary, without a job. I was working part-time tutoring and the Lord spoke to my heart that it was time I quit taking care of other people's children and raise my own.  I am very thankful for this calling. It was a bit of a shocker to me, I wasn't sure how we were going to make it finacially, but I can say to this day, not a day has gone by that He hasn't provided.  He gives us our needs and often times provides some wants as well.  I spent 6 years teaching in public schools.  While in seminary the Lord called us to serve as houseparents at a childrens home with neglected and abused children.  It was very difficult work, but if I ever saw the hand of God at work, it was there.  He brought children into His saving grace, He delivered hurting children from their evil homes, and provided graciously life abundant for several children.  After my husband completed his Master of Divinity, we moved to live near my family to have our second son. 
Yesterday we went to the Dr. to see the first picture of our new little one in womb and I have to say, I'm a bit nervous taking on 3 children under 4. I currently have two precious boys, my oldest is Zeb and he is 3.5 yrs old.  My youngest is Sy who is 7 months old.  My boys are active and all boy.  After Zeb's gymnastics today we had to go to Walmart to get some formula and baby food for Sy.  It never fails, Zeb had to use the potty:)  So I stood in the back of the store with my cart and crying Sy, amidst all the Walmart employees holding a safety training, with the women's bathroom door wide open, guiding Zeb to go to the restroom without me escorting him directly to the stall.  This was a first for me.  I did not see anyway I could manage all our stuff and get him in the restroom. Sweet ladies offered to hold Sy, but there wasn't a bone in me that would allow a stranger to watch my 7 month old.  Zeb did great, went right to the stall, locked himself in and pottied, then came strutting out that he did that all, all by himself! 
I don't know about other Moms, but my boys always have, probably always will hate shopping. From the time each of them were very little, the second we walk into a store, the attitudes, the tears, the fussing begin.  Being a stay at home Mom I do feel very obligated to try to accomplish as much of the "home stuff" as possible before my sweet husband arrives home. I want his arrival to be a time of rest and peace and joy.  I'm not sure if this will be able to continue when child #3 arrives though:) Nonetheless, I managed to get what we needed and got my boys loaded and home for naps (which is what they are doing now, the reason I have a moment to blog:)
So I decided that I would write a blog to help myself process each day; the ongoings of our life and as a memorandum for my husband and even our children when they are grown. I want us all to reflect daily on God's goodness and grace and how we have made it because He lives.  He is the One who gives me strength each day and motivation to be the Mom He wants me to be to the children He has invested to us for His glory.  I want my blog to proclaim His greatness and His provision and His mercy and His love. 
I hope that lives curveballs and the way we receive and handle them, will be an encouragement to other Mothers!